Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
