Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
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