Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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