There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
