Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Sorry about my life...
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
