Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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