My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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