do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
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