Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
