I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
