She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Randomize
