It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
