I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
