Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
