i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Randomize
