Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
