Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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