Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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