1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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