Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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