I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
