We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
