my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
