I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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