Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
