I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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