I only kidnapped one of them. chill
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Randomize
