Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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