I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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