Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I could have mohawked her pubes.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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