I wanna bring you to show and tell
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
