it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
