apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Randomize
