I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
