I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
