I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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