There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Randomize
