i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
