My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
The convent might be a nice break from real life
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
