dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
