woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
