We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
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