I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
