I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
