we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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