Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
