i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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