i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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