please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Randomize
