i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Randomize
