Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
