Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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