Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I don't think brook has ever known best
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Randomize
