Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize