where does the pee come out of this thing
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
