When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Randomize
