you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize