All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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