ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize