I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
