oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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