i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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