Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
