Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
