my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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