Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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