I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Randomize
