I think my vagina is haunted
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
