There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Randomize
