Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
im holly from the hills drunk
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
