So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
