i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize