Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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