I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
