oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize