Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
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