What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
