in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
