Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
40s are totally the cure
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
