I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
