it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Randomize
